Second Chances
by allunderheaven
Summary: What would you do if you had a second chance at something? Would You be able to correct your wrongs? Or would you let it be? Squinoa fic


Note: I do not own any of the characters they belong to Square-Enix  
I do not own any of the lyrics of 'Never Had A Dream Come  
True' by 'S Club7' it belongs to 'S Club &' and their record label.  
  
-- ~ -- ~ -- ~ -- ~ -- ~ -- ~ -- ~  
  
Reminisce  
  
The door opened into a dark room that seemed so void of life.  
  
The contents of the room was sparse and only the outline of the objects that lay in the room could be made out by the little light escaping through the closed blinds of the window.  
  
A man stood at the doorway looking into the room as if he was expecting something to happen....a tiny glimmer of hope held in his eyes for a split second then it disappeared and quickly his eyes reverted back to their usual state of emptiness.  
  
The figure slowly forced himself to move into the room as though he dreaded each step. Coming into the light, his face could be seen, a face expressing no emotion, his blue eyes showing no sign of emotion either just emptiness, the chestnut brown of his hair covered his face down to his cheeks, just below was a beard that had been unshaven for what seemed like a week.  
  
Finding his destination at his desk by the window where the only source of light peered through the gaps, he took a seat. Placing his elbows on the desk whilst brushing his hair back, he sighed, thinking to himself he shouted in his mind  
  
"Cid, you're an asshole."  
  
"Okay so I overreacted a little and unleashed my anger out on the two cadets but they deserved it."  
  
"Poor bastards, they were in tears trembling until Cid came and ordered me to take the rest of day off to calm down."  
  
"Oh and shave that beard of yours now will you, don't want to be scaring anymore cadets do we now?" Cid jokingly added to his order.  
  
"You didn't have to order me to take the rest of the day off." He had said to himself.  
  
It was only five pm as the sky began to darken for the winter night to creep in.  
  
"They had injured themselves in a way Seifer and I had during that 'duel' give or take a few inches and maybe the angle of it. I had felt some sort of emotion being reminded of my life long rival as I haven't since almost three years since she left...."  
  
"Dammit."  
  
There and then his fists met the table sending a shock through the desk.  
  
"Everytime my mind is not pre-occupied on something it always goes back to you."  
  
"How the hell am I supposed to calm down if the goddamn training center is closed for repairs?!"  
  
His fists met the table again, this time causing a larger vibration. To his surprise, a radio jukebox fell out of the mountains of files and folders that littered his desk onto the floor.  
  
He wondered how he had never noticed this before.  
  
"This was hers." He thought to himself in shock and surprise as he had thought he had hidden everything that was hers, not to remind him of the pain.  
  
Hoping that he might hear her sweet elegant voice again he eagerly brought it up to the desk whilst battling the thought of going through the pain again.......but the urge was too great, even for a man who was self controlled.  
  
He noticed now that light was no longer creeping out behind the blinds and realised the night had already taken over the short days of winter.  
  
Reaching to turn the desk lamp on, he then with the same hand he slowly pressed play.  
  
Waiting eagerly for the jukebox to load, he began to rest his chin onto the back of his hands on the desk as if he was a child again waiting for something or someone.....  
  
A tune began to echo from the speakers, a melody, not what he had in mind but he felt compelled to listen on...  
  
As his ears caught each word his mind began to reminisce....  
  
(Everybody's got something) (They had to leave behind)  
  
"Her"  
  
"The times we spent together."  
  
"The pain you caused me."  
  
"I tried so desperately to put it behind me."  
  
(One regret from yesterday) (That just seems to grow with time)  
  
"If only...if only I had been there for you..."  
  
"They say times a healer, whoever said that was a fool."  
  
"Even though it's been three years, I try not to acknowledge it but I know deep down that the feelings are still there if not grown."  
  
(There's no use looking back or wondering) (How it could be or might have been)  
  
"If only...."  
  
"What if....?"  
  
"I should have...been there...."  
  
"No excuses."  
  
"It was my duty"  
  
"No...it was because I wanted to...."  
  
"Would we...still....?"  
  
(All I this know but I can't find ways to let you go)  
  
"I shouldn't be thinking this way."  
  
"But..."  
  
"I was like this for a year after you left..."  
  
"Full of excuses."  
  
"I thought I had hidden them away..."  
  
(I never had a dream come true) (Till the day I found you)  
  
"You were like an angel sent from heaven"  
  
"My angel..."  
  
"...Was my angel"  
  
"That night seemed like destiny"  
  
"With the shooting stars and fireworks..."  
  
"A perfect fairytale beginning..."  
  
(Even though, I pretend that I've moved on) (You'll always be my baby)  
  
"....But every tale has its end."  
  
"I tried to act as if you didn't bother me no more...."  
  
"Didn't work though..."  
  
"Every time I heard your name from 'The Gang' I would bite their heads off to put it lightly..."  
  
"To a point when they seemed not to care anymore..."  
  
"Or maybe they didn't want to offend me..."  
  
"I guess they knew how much you meant to me..."  
  
(I never found the words to say)  
  
"I never knew what to say to you..."  
  
"I mean I always wanted to tell you how I felt to reassure you"  
  
"But it never would come out right..."  
  
"Hyne, I wanted to break out of my shell...."  
  
"....but I found it so hard after all those years...alone...."  
  
(You're the one I think about each day)  
  
"Hyne, when you left, you were the first and last thought in my mind..."  
  
"Constantly thinking how you were, where you where, how you felt...."  
  
"Almost drove me to a break down..."  
  
"....But I used work to occupy myself, not to give myself a free moment to think..."  
  
"...Of you..."  
  
"In my spare time it would be down the training centre...."  
  
"...To avoid times like these..."  
  
(And I know no matter where life takes me to) (Apart of me will always be with you) (Ooooooohh yeah)  
  
"Apart of me hates you for doing what I had tried to avoid all those years...."  
  
"...Since when sis left..."  
  
"I created a shell to protect myself from it again..."  
  
"Only you and sis have put a dent so great in my heart..."  
  
"As I probably have done to you...."  
  
(Somewhere in my memory) (I've lost all sense of time)  
  
"I can't forgive you...."  
  
"...But a part of me already has..."  
  
"I hate myself for it."  
  
"The fact that I have no sense of control to myself when I'm with you"  
  
"It makes me feel so insecure.....that I could lose you...."  
  
"....I already have...."  
  
(And tomorrow can never be) ('Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind)  
  
"As much as it hurts to say this, I know that you were the one."  
  
"Even if I found someone else they will never have me the way you did...."  
  
(There's no use looking back or wondering) (How it could be or might have been)  
  
"....I didn't treat you right....never been there for you....always stood you up..."  
  
"....Especially when you lost your only family...I wasn't there to support you..."  
  
"Some knight I am.... Could protect her from everything except....myself..."  
  
"Oh how cruel irony can be."  
  
"....But if I had another chance...."  
  
(All I this know but I can't find ways to let you go)  
  
"Believe me I tried to forget you....even went as far as using someone...."  
  
"I'd thought that by doing so, it would ease the pain."  
  
"It wouldn't matter much would it...?"  
  
"I'm not exactly going to be your first am I...?"  
  
"....Seifer..."  
  
"...Ironic..."  
  
"...Jealously...emotions that I couldn't control when I was around you..."  
  
(I never had a dream come true) (Till the day I found you)  
  
"When I was a child at the orphanage I joined SeeD so that I could find sis..."  
  
"...that was my dream..."  
  
"...was..."  
  
(Even though, I pretend that I've moved on) (You'll always be my baby)  
  
"...That was how I got with that person..."  
  
"...The one who took away the one thing I wanted you to have..."  
  
"Met her through my so called fan club now that I was a hero and worshipped."  
  
"I thought that I could prove to the world that I was over you."  
  
"Just an excuse to lie to myself that I already had..."  
  
"The funny thing is that she had a resemblance to you."  
  
"...The long dark hair, same tone of skin and the same mouth and nose as yours...except the eyes but I never looked into them..."  
  
"In a sense, for a split second I was thinking that it was you....  
  
"....I never did it with her fully...stopped after a few moments and realised what I had done....what I fool I had been."  
  
(I never found the words to say)  
  
"....Everything I wanted to say to you would sound so cliché..."  
  
"As if it were a line from some romantic film"  
  
(You're the one I think about each day) (And I know no matter where life takes me to) (A part of me will always be)  
  
"Even buried under all the work certain things would remind me of you...."  
  
"The smallest things would trigger me...I would suppress them straight away as though it were automated...slowly building into an emotional dam...waiting to be released at a time like this..."  
  
(You'll always be the dream that fills my head) (Yes you will, say you will, you know you will, oh baby) (You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget)  
  
"Strange as it may seem, it haunts my every waking hour but the nights are not plagued with nightmares but of emptiness..."  
  
"...Ironic that...I've known since you left that a part of me died..."  
  
"...A body without its soul..."  
  
"Oh how I long to see your face again...to re-live the moments again.....in my dreams."  
  
(There's no use looking back or wondering)  
  
".....Sis..."  
  
"!!!"  
  
"....maybe I can..."  
  
"...Even change it as she had tried with Laguna..."  
  
"...The man who said 'you only appreciate something once its gone definitely wasn't a fool..."  
  
"...But would I have changed back then...?"  
  
(Because love is a strange and funny thing)  
  
"I've never felt it truly before until you were gone...like when you were in space...or the sorceress memorial...even during time compression..."  
  
"It won't happen again..."  
  
"...If I have a chance again that is..."  
  
(No matter how I try and try) (I just can't say good-bye, no, no, no, no)  
  
"Is it fate?"  
  
"That this song is supposed to be played"  
  
"So I can remember the damage I had caused..."  
  
"To her life...and to mine..."  
  
(I never had a dream come true) (Till the day that I found you) (Even though, I pretend that I've moved on) (You'll always be my baby)  
  
"Now you are my dream"  
  
"But aren't dreams supposed to be unreachable?"  
  
"They aren't supposed to be in the real world otherwise they would no longer be dreams"  
  
"Is this what I truly believe or is it another lie I am making up to suppress my emotions?"  
  
"....I don't know..."  
  
(I never found the words to say)  
  
"I guess you never knew truly how I'd felt otherwise you would have never left..."  
  
"I can't blame you for that....its not as if you could mind read..."  
  
"Even a simple 'I love you'...."  
  
"...But then I saw the world differently to how I saw it now..."  
  
"....Then it was full of fake acts of deception..."  
  
"'Love' a simple term to use but hard to understand...."  
  
"Now I understand......only too late...."  
  
(You're the one I think about each day) (And I know no matter where life takes me to) (A part of me will always be) (A part of me will always be with you) (Ooooooohh)  
  
The song had ended and during the course of the song he had moved from chin resting on the back of his hand to elbows on the table with face buried into his hands deep in thought....  
  
But that was half an hour ago since the song had ended and the silence took over.  
  
All of a sudden his consciousness had returned from deep thought and turned his head to allow his eyes to see what he had become. The room around him was empty, barely any furniture or personal belongings, just emptiness.  
  
A short laugh could just be heard barely, not of joy but in the tone of self pity.....  
  
-- ~ -- ~ -- ~ -- ~ -- ~ -- ~ -- ~  
  
Author's notes: Just to make things a little clearer, Squall is  
now 22. Hope to finish writing the next chapter soon. Please  
review thanks all your views will be taken into account!!! 


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